28.3.11

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Waiting waiting waiting. I am so terrible at it. It gnaws at my insides, grows in my chest and becomes this monster that I have to extract. Between my clenched teeth, between raged breaths, in the middle of the night, so that it does not contaminate and eats at the throats of people and things around me. It poisons and scratches and burns.
I admire people and things that know how to wait. This quietness inside where there is only fury in me. It is often seen as a weakness, or passivity, to just wait. But it can be the most admirable thing of all.

I imagine that's what Sleeping Beauty did. Wait. Not sleep really, just a metaphor for a lifetime of waiting. And how strong would one have to be? To wait and wait, alone in a castle full of ghosts, unable to leave. To go about each day, with only oneself for company, and maybe words and maybe music, but no one to speak to and no one to laugh with. Just the deep knowledge that one day things would change, the eternal patience and faith. How strong would one have to be to not lose one's mind?
She would wait and wait. Maybe scream once in a while, through her burning throat, making sure no monster lived there to swallow her whole. And then just the soft settling of her bones, and her blodd, to remember and dream and hope.
And on that day, when the prince come, she would kiss him, because he's beautiful and he has come just for her, but really what she really wants is the world. Isn't that why she waited so long? She would smile and say her thank you and leave him behind, because now that she had learned how to wait, she would have to learn how to move.
And really how could one learn how to move properly, if one didnt't know how to wait for the right moment to do so?

I admire them all, those precious few who can stay still long enough for the right moment. To know when life is ready for them. And when they are ready for it.

9 comments:

  1. stop waiting and go take what you want!

    xo
    sami

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  2. so beautiful. may i quote you on my blog?
    (http://hutmacherin.blogspot.com/)

    because i can do nothing but wait for the next weeks or maybe months and your words feel just... right.

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  3. everything you write is absolutely lovely, dearest mj.x

    I think, maybe, that patience is a different sort of strength.

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  4. We have to find the balance between waiting and doing; both are strengths and both are weaknesses in certain moments. Sometimes waiting is bad. You can wait and wait and wait, and your whole life will slip past. I feel sorry for Sleeping Beauty, and even more so for the Prince. x

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  5. This is beautiful. I love your thoughts on Sleeping Beauty. It's actually given me an idea for a story... I don't know whether it will get written or not but maybe it will!

    I do a lot of waiting. Sometimes I wonder if that is the right thing to do... or if I wait because I am weak and afraid to take action. It's hard to know; so much is beyond my ken.

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  6. Ah, waiting. I don't think anyone can truly be a master of it, though we all have periods of time where it isn't so bad. I feel like, as an aspiring writer, being patient and waiting is part of the job description. You have to find a balance with action - putting your work out there - but after you do that, you have to sit back and keep refreshing your email inbox, haha. I'm also used to waiting in other areas of my life as well, including romance. Ah, yes. But one day the waiting will end, right? That's where we find our strength to do it.

    (BTW, I love your words about Sleeping Beauty. It's one of my favorite stories, and I love the concept behind the prince (check out P.L. Travers' insightful and intriguing thoughts on him) and I would only refuse him if he had a giant mustache. Haha. I can't deal with that :D

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  7. Try to discover other things to make the waiting less painful...
    www.ThisIsAYes.com

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  8. Oh, I'm terribly impatient too, with the mail and the rain clouds and most of all myself. xx

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  9. I think I can wait for things to happen and for things to arrive but I cannot stand waiting for someone who promised to meet me at some place and time. It's quite ironic.

    I really, really liked how was you used Sleeping Beauty. How you put it made me sad but I admit that it's beautiful. x

    (I saw your embroideries on tumblr and I am terribly envious that I can't even sew straight.)

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